If you and your love have been together for any length of time, and especially if you have children, financial stresses or any number of other challenges, you have probably experienced a disconnect at this very deep and emotional center of your relationship. If you are newlyweds, well then, you are still learning.
This Valentine’s Day can be better than last year, even if last year was awesome!
- Plan ahead – You will be challenged to top last year if you don’t plan ahead! Since you’ll have to plan ahead for days, let’s consider it the best Valentine’s WEEK! Use it to build the good kind of tension.
- Prepare the nest – unless you have no children or big picture windows and can have fun wherever you want in the house, you’ll probably be focusing on your bedroom. Either tidy up or do an all out cleaning. Use non toxic cleaners such as Young Living Thieves Household Cleaner. Send any piles of clothes to their drawers or laundry basket or at least make take them out of sight. Fresh sheets and folded towels are a nice touch as well. Use a bit of lavender spray on the towels for that extra sensation. In a 1 or 2 ounce glass spray bottle, add a pinch of salt, 5-10 drops of Young Living Lavender Essential Oil and top with distilled water. Alternatively, you could make the spray with one of the romance essential oils, such as Ylang Ylang or Cypress.
- Set the mood – set out mood lights, I like this one, or all natural candles, I like these – definitely unscented and 100% natural, so your truly pure essential oils can fill the room. Most important, wipe out your
Young Living Diffuser, add fresh water and a romantic mood boosting essential oil such as Ylang Ylang, and start diffusing ahead of the special time.* See Essential Oils for a Sensual Experience, coming soon.
- Bubble bath and lots of it! Of course, be sure the tub is nice and clean – Thieves Cleaner is also a great choice here. No cleaners with grit unless you are sure you can rinse it away thoroughly. The ladies love their bubbles, but so do the men. Bubbles bring about a sense of innocence and adventure at the same time. Most bubble baths are chemically scented. Skip the lab product and go with nature – Young Living Bath and Shower Gel Sensation – formulated to spark your romantic inspirations, plus a few drops extra of Young Living Pure Essential Oils, for the mood, such as mentioned above.
- Choose your music genre – You and your love may enjoy two or three genres, and these choices would be typical for you. Consider trying a new genre. Close your eyes and take yourself to your romantic sweet spot. Is it a hut on a tropical island, a cabin in the woods, a high rise penthouse in the city, or somewhere else. Now imagine, if there were music playing, what might it be? If you came up with tropical images, you might type “Hawaiian Music” into Pandora. Or maybe when you think romance, you think classical Italian Opera. Maybe it’s ethnic music such as drumming or flute. Brian Crain Radio on Pandora is a lovely choice and one of my favorites, though I also happen to like Mark Knopfler who has a very gentle and soothing voice.
- Beautiful Flora – Flowers are a delight to the heart of many women. You will often find a nice arrangement the day or two BEFORE Valentine’s Day and possibly at a better price (not that you are trying to be cheap – but smart). Either give it early or save it secretly in the right environment for it’s type until the right day. Flowers are typically a gift given by the man, however, if your man is uninformed about the importance of this treat, have a non threatening chat with him about a week before the heart day. No need for anyone to feel bad about this, unless of course it’s your 10th year together and you’ve had the same chat for 10 years in a row. A nice bouquet can stand alone in it’s own vase, but it can also be broken up and set in various spots around the night of love, such as, by the bed, tub, fire place or dinner table.
- Massage Oils and Lubrication – Massage oil is not desired by every person or at every love meeting, but the experience is delightful for many, at least on occasion. Better to have it available and be able to make choices in the moment. There are at least 3 factors involved in the arousal response – the mind, hormones and the movement of the body – both from gliding across skin and working muscles. Skin to skin doesn’t glide by itself. Young Living Sensation Massage Oil contains romance enhancing scents and all the finest ingredients. A simple coconut oil is a great choice for lubrication and can be enhanced with Young Living Essential Oils.* See Essential Oils for a Sensual Experience, coming soon.
- Notes from fondness to all out passion – As for women, women want their man to convey and say that they have been chosen. Of all the women in the world, their love chose them and would do it again. Men, as I understand, want their woman to convey and say that they are honored. Feeling loved for the woman is as feeling respected for the man. They are equally important. Leave notes for your love that show you recognize them for who they are. The things that drive you crazy (not crazy love, but CRAZY) about them, are part of who they are and part of the love. The things that turn you on about your love, their sense of humor, or diligence about things, or that they bring a pay check home, or keep the yard nice, or the dishes washed, or how they love the children, or their body with all it’s curves and beauty, these are all “love-note” worthy. Don’t worry if it feels unnatural, do it anyway and make it a part of daily life. I’ve never seen it go badly!
- Vulnerability – most definitely this night (or this week), is not for identifying all the things that your love, or you, need to change or work on. Depth and meaning is brought to the experience of romance, intimacy, love and sex when two people are able to be vulnerable with each other. “Love is giving someone the power to destroy you but trusting them not to.” -Author Unknown.
Whether it’s the vulnerability of your emotions, your body, your special intimate request, or the way you express your satisfaction…your love will care for you and protect you and they will hold your emotions tenderly in the palm of their hand. This takes time and must be worked out in everyday life as well as in the bedroom. The same relationship dynamics are typically present in the bedroom as outside of the bedroom.
- Chocolate – whether a pair of chocolate hearts on the pillow or chocolate covered strawberries, or even chocolate body paint (fun!), chocolate is a historic symbol of romance and has even been known to have aphrodisiac qualities. Be sure that you have not indulged in a dinner that causes you both to feel bloated and sluggish and the chocolate in the bedroom will add additional delights.
Bonus tips –
1. There have been years when we had young children and fits of exhaustion, when we couldn’t get a sitter or Valentine’s Day fell on a busy work day. There is nothing wrong with celebrating this day on the Saturday or Sunday before, so long as mutually agreed upon.
2. I may have to devote a whole blog post to this one, but consider including an ostrich feather, if you don’t already have one!
3. Chocolate Body Paint Recipe – 1/3 cup sugar, 1 pinch kosher salt, 3 tablespoons water, 2 tablespoons butter (may use coconut oil), 1/4 cup raw cocoa powder. 1) Put sugar, salt and water in a small saucepan over medium heat. Bring to a boil then remove it from the heat. 2) Stir in the butter (wisk). 3) Add cocoa powder and stir until glossy. 4) Pour into glass container. 5) Cool to appropriate temp and use brush of your choice.
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